My Attention is Loosing Attention
I’ve been overexposed! How can it be? How is it even possible? When did this happen? So much information, so little time. So much to sift through, scan through. So many outlets feeding into my being like an IV keeping me alive. Absorb, update, download, refresh, repeat. Absorb, update, download, refresh, repeat. Absorb, update, download, refresh, repeat.
So much to decipher, discern what is important or not. Maybe this is trash. Maybe I should keep it. I may need it later. Learn it, dissect, remember. Fears of missing out. Fears of doing nothing. Fears of doing the wrong thing. Is this truth or is it a lie? Is it just rhetoric or someone trying to make headlines? Words like “supposed” and “alleged” echo in the airwaves as clues to the motive behind the report. It’s so biased. No truth here. I want to puke.
Reading, listening, hearing, talking. One drowns out the other until there is a unified mashup of nothingness, white noise, static. I want to understand. I want to know. I want to grow. Everything is vying for my attention. “Look at me!” “Right here!” “No, here!” Shiny red ball! It’s an endless mixture of fact and fiction. Where does it end?
I am feeling overwhelmed, overcome. System overload. Anxiety attacks me on this side and that. Pulling, tearing, whispering in my ear. My heart and mind competing with vigorous emotions. Stress disables me. I fall to my knees. Crippled by the very things that I seek to understand. My mind won’t shut off. Voices, voices, voices. Too much information. The sheer magnitude of stimulation is slowing shutting me down. Sleep, the sweet escape has betrayed me. I desperately desire its comfort. My attention is loosing attention. I’m distracted, unfocused. Time is slipping away, no it is running in haste, abandoning ship. My life is leading me. Where does it go? Distractions are stealing from me. Stop! It’s too late. Time is gone. Moments, seconds, hours have passed, now entrenched in the annals of history. I must step away. The madness must end! The cycle that is tearing at me, imprisoning me must give way. I want to be productive, do something creative, design something brilliant, but I have been weakened by all that is around me. Pressing, trying, pressing again, trying harder to make it happen. Frustrated that nothing is working. Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Why!!!!!!! Why can’t I think? Why aren’t things clear? Why isn’t this working? Where is the answer? What must I do to break free? Will I be stuck like this forever? No!
Turn off the Television. Lock the door. Turn off the computer. Silence the phone. Put it away, far away. Put the reading material down. Do not disturb. Find a place. A place alone. Close your eyes. Let peace echo in your ears. Let it soothe your soul. Let stillness surround you. Reflect…just be. Breathe. Relax. Listen to the sounds that nature brings. Lost in nothingness. Clearing the mind. Empty of all noise, chaos and confusion. Content just being. Refocused and free. God, speak to me. Tranquility.